


Means To Recover

by MizuLeKitten



Series: Means to Recover [7]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: <3, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Communication, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Kuron, Reckless Flying, The last 4 chapters are my outlines and snippets of what I wrote, blue paladin lance, love you all, poor communication, so you can see what I had planned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-01-07 07:29:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12228357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizuLeKitten/pseuds/MizuLeKitten
Summary: Events are beginning to come to a peak, and Kuron is hot on the trial of what was really going on between Shiro and Lance.The real question is: Will he find out before something breaks, and everything comes falling down?





	1. Recon and Communication

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the other parts or else you might be confused.

The ship tilted, and Kuron laughed loudly, mimicking Lance’s own whoop of joy. They were supposed to be doing recon on the planet, but had gotten a _bit_ distracted. Kuron would’ve been more concerned if they didn’t have Pidge’s scanning technology going as they went, but since they did… The ship swerved another way, causing his stomach to drop and another laugh to leave his lungs.

Lance piloted the pod around a rock formation, cutting it close with a large grin. Kuron couldn’t help but mimic the expression. He had never actually flown -that time escaping from the Galra did _not_ count- and he only had pseudo memories of such actions. Being able to fly beside Lance was exhilarating, a feeling that he had thought he knew but didn’t until now. Turns out running from life or death scenarios wasn’t as fun as simply flying around; who knew?

Part of him wanted to be jealous of Shiro, the original, for being able to fly Black, for being able to have these experiences. After all, Black had eagerly accepted Shiro back into the captain's seat, ignoring Kuron the whole time he had been there. He really wanted to blame him, but he knew it wasn’t Shiro’s fault that he couldn’t fly. It wasn’t Shiro’s fault that he was a poor copy-

“Stop thinking so loudly,” Lance reached a hand out to slap at Kuron’s arm. It didn’t hurt, but it did it's job of snapping Kuron out of his thoughts. “I can practically hear the brooding from here. You’re turning into Keith.”

Kuron laughed, “I’d be more offended if you and him weren’t actual friends now.”

“Friends!” Lance squawked, “Ha! We’re still bitter rivals! We just… talk more. Yeah, that, talking.” He waved his hand dismissively, as if talking _wasn’t_ a step up from the splotchy memories Kuron had of them arguing.

He rolled his eyes, “Sure, Lance, and I’m not a clone.”

Lance snicked, and they lapsed into silence, a comfortable one. They’d been together a lot more lately in between working with Coran or just hanging out, had gotten used to one another's company. For some reason Kuron had expected Lance to still be loud, to not be able to bask in silence, but he could. It was a pleasant surprise, and he wasn’t sure where the assumption came from. Sure, Lance was high energy -mixed memories and poor experience talking- but Keith was a low energy person -again mixed memories and poor experience- and _he_ could still be engaged and loud, so why couldn’t Lance do the same but with quietness?

The pod had slowed down considerably, no longer taking daring turns and exhilarating stunts. Lance was going at his leisure, and Kuron let the adrenaline from before fade, body relaxing into his seat.

He didn’t think he’d ever be able to relax like this. Shiro, and by extension himself, had been wound up ever since the year with the Galra. They -Shiro, not him, _not_ him- had been more relaxed before Kerberos, more go-with-the-flow and a trickster. He had been a secret troublemaker, using his good grades and appearance to get himself out of anything. Kuron had thought that they’d -Shiro, him, them?- would be stuck in constant paranoia forever, no chance to relax even the slightest.

Instead, Kuron found comfort in the silence, in the rumbling of the pod’s engine surrounding them, the passing of the scenery, the occasional blip from the scanner. It was peaceful. It was nice. He-

“I missed this…”

Lance’s words mimicked that of Kuron’s own thoughts, and he turned to face the other. The open mirth from before had been replaced with a longing in his eyes so deep he thought he’d drown in them. Lance had real memories of flying a lion, real memories of traversing the stars. He had experienced first hand the adrenaline and feeling; Kuron only had borrowed experiences.

He couldn’t help but wonder why Lance would give all that up. It wasn’t a new thought, and he knew the others shared it. He saw it in the way Hunk drew back with longing glances, the quizzical look on Pidge’s face, and the arguments between Lance and Allura, the sad looks she sent him as he stormed away. Even Keith, who was on better terms with Lance, lingered occasionally, watching the other ex-paladin.

All Kuron knew is that Shiro was somehow involved, the Shiro that Kuron had tried to replace on accident, causing more harm than good. The same Shiro that Lance had some connection with before his disappearance, some _deep_ connection that he had messed up. He mentally shook his head. This wasn’t about him right now, so he latched onto the first thought that came.

“Have you ever thought about returning to Blue?”

Lance flinched, and Kuron wanted to hit himself. _Stupid!_ He _knew_ that Blue was a sore topic, why would _that_ be the first thought he’d go with? Then again… it was an understandable way to continue the conversation. If Lance missed flying, why didn’t he fly Blue? Did it have something to do with the Shiro thing? Did their history effect Voltron in some way?

Damn his memories for being so incomplete.

“I- I can’t, I just can’t,” Lance’s voice was small, and his grip tightened on the controls, the pressure causing his knuckles to slowly turn white.

“Hey,” Kuron reached out, human hand falling on Lance’s shoulder, “It’s okay, I didn’t mean to-”

Lance turned to look at him, immediately flinching away. His eyes went wide for a moment, and his breath stuttered, a horribly loud sound within the confines of the pod. Kuron had seen it before. It was Lance’s reaction whenever Shiro got to close, whenever Shiro reached out to place a comforting hand-

-On his shoulder. He retracted his arm with a jerk, and they both looked away awkwardly. There was no way to cover up that action. When Lance had looked at him he had seen Shiro, had heard Shiro, not Kuron. It hurt, but at the same time it seemed to hurt Lance just as much, if not more.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. I should’ve-”

“No,” Lance interrupted, “I didn’t- It’s not your fault. I’m the one that should be sorry, you’re not…”

“I’m not him.”

Lance nodded, eyes focused on the terrain ahead of them, but only barely.

It was silent again, but no where near as comfortable as before. Kuron had ideas about them, how they related to one another, but it was becoming all the more clear now. This wasn’t the first time that Lance had moved silently away from him when startled, thinking that he was Shiro, but it was the first time that Kuron had brought it up, the first time Lance confirmed it.

“Can I ask what happened?”

Several tense moments passed between them, but Kuron kept his eyes ahead. He wouldn’t pressure Lance into an answer, but if he could help in any way, if he could understand...

“Nothing happened,” Lance whispered, and Kuron shot him a glance. “I mean- that’s a lie. _Something_ happened, but it wasn’t- it wasn’t _bad_. Then he left, but- but it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t ask to go away, but still...”

“You needed him,” Kuron finished, understanding settling deep within his bones. “That’s why you got upset when you realized I wasn’t him.” Why he was upset even before the realization, when Kuron had ignored his subtle pleas.

Lance didn’t respond, but the answer was clear on his face.

“Have you tried talking to him?”

The only sound was the soft beep of the scanner.

“I’m scared…” Kuron had to strain to hear him, his heart breaking at the words, “I can’t... I can’t be rejected again.”

Whoever had hurt Lance had left lasting effects, and Kuron wanted to give them a piece of his mind. He doubted Shiro would reject Lance like that other person, he doubted it greatly. After all, he was on the receiving end of many glares to show that there was something Shiro had to be jealous of, and the sad looks whenever Lance flinched away were also just as telling. He didn’t say that though, didn’t voice his anger and thoughts. He doubted it’d be the right thing to say, doubted Lance would believe words. This had apparently been festering for longer than Kuron had been born, and the only way to fix it would be through actions, careful, continuous actions. Instead he looked ahead, noting the clear path that stretched before them, forest below, and smirked.

“How fast do you think this thing can go?”

Lance looked at him, confused. A beat passed and a wide smirk overtook his sad features, “Want to find out?”

The pod jolted as Lance pushed the controls forward without even waiting for Kuron to respond. They both laughed. Kuron clutched his seat as the adrenaline began to pump through his veins once more. Lance wasn’t ready to talk, so instead he’d allow Lance to escape, if only for a little longer.

Shiro on the other hand… Kuron knew Shiro, knew that Shiro had probably been festering in thoughts of self-hatred and loathing since returning. He knew that they needed to talk, and, by the looks of it, a talk between them was _long_ overdue.

Neither of them noticed the red dot on the scanner, disappearing as soon as it appeared.


	2. A Talk Between Brothers - Outline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How A Talk Between Brothers might have gone if I wrote it in full xDD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing as people are still reading this on occasion: I have no intent on updating this series. It's- the motivation is gone. The head-cannons I have and understanding of characters have changed. I have the next three-four chapters outlined though and I've been debating just posting those so...
> 
> For those who are keeping track: do you want me to post the outlines so you'd know how this would go/end or just
> 
> Nothing
> 
> I leave it up to you guys.
> 
> -You guys chose outlines!

“Princess!” Lance entered the main deck with an exaggerated flourish, data chip in hand. Kuron followed with an amused smile. “The data you requested.”

He walked up to her, handing her the chip before taking a step back. He looked down at his nails, inspecting them for dirt. Neither of them were fooled. He was avoiding looking at her, avoiding looking at Shiro who was beside her.

“Thank you Lance, Kuron,” She nodded towards him, a lingering look at Lance before she turned around, inputting the data into the castle for Coran and Pidge to sift through later. “Is there anything else you’d like to report?”

“Nope!” Lance said, “With that done, I’m going to go get my (DIRECT QUOTE FROM SHOW DURING CRYSTAL VENOM). Call if you need me, Princess,” he gave a small wave, passing next to Kuron, bumping their shoulders. “Cya, Kuron,” he gave a playful grin and was gone.

Allura physically deflated at his departure and Kuron’s heart sang for her. She hadn’t meant to destroy their friendship, hadn’t meant to go from a happy Allura to a strict Princess once more.

She straightened up a bit upon seeing him. “Is there anything you’d like to report, Kuron,” she asked.

“No. We didn’t notice anything while we were out. The scanner might have though.”

“Thank you. You’re free to leave.” She turned, stiffly, calling up other data entries with the wave of her hand. He knew that she was appearing busy so that he would not ask about the obvious pain he had witnessed.

He turned his attention on Shiro, who was looking past him at the doors, as if willing Lance to walk back through them. After a few moments of staring he seemed to register Kuron’s eyes on him and turned back towards him. Kuron nodded, a look in his eyes he knew that Shiro would recognize.

_ They needed to talk. _

_~*~_

Writing Friend I Was Shooting Ideas Off Of: It also hurts him because he wasn't there when Lance needed him the most... instead, Kuron was, and Shiro will never be able to change that

Me: Omgs but Kuron knows Shiro, and now that he knows a bit of what they were, Kuron goes to Shiro.

He knows that he's probably brooding, letting the thoughts stew, and is like "Dude, I rly wasn't there for him, like at all, and I'm just as mad as you are because I'm a fake and he needed the real thing, and I couldn't provide that. Neither of us were there for him then, we just gotta make up for it now"

Writing Friend I Was Shooting Ideas Off Of: The Blob Stallone Shiro starts seeing Kuron in a new light after that, and he realizes that he's right and that the two need to support Lance as much as they can


	3. Between A Rock And A Hard Place - Outline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is forced to make a tough decision - how it would've gone if I finished it

Lance watched the battle play out before him from Allura’s station. He and Kuron had been instructed to take over Keith’s and Allura’s spots, manning the drones to protect the castle. It was fun, he whooped and cheered at every shot. It was great to be able to take part in the battles still.

“37!” Lance grinned, swerving his drove around the side of the ship, already aiming at the next fighter coming their way.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kuron said, a hint of mirth in his voice. Lance knew he had rolled his eyes, but Lance also knew it was more so out of exasperation than annoyance. “You’re only ahead because they keep going to your side.”

“Excuses, excuses, buddy. Admit it,” Lance stuck his tongue out, concentrating for a moment as he took another shot. The fighter burst apart as the shot connected, and Lance’s grin came back full force. “Admit it, I’m a better shot than you.”

The castle shook, practically throwing Lance from his seat. He looked out the front of the ship and grimaced. This wasn’t good.

One fleet the others could handle. They could even handle two. Hell, even three would’ve been a piece of cake for them at this point, but four, a robo-beast,  _ and  _ being low on valuable supplies?

That was more of a challenge.

“Allura, Hunk, full power! We need to take out-” Shiro was interrupted as Voltron was hit.

Lance tensed, watching as the others screamed out in pain. That wasn’t the first hit they had taken during the battle, and at the rate they were going it wouldn’t be the last. Lance had tried to stay focused on defending the castle in the absence of Voltron being able to do it, but he couldn’t help but take note of every pained grunt, every small cry, every hit that battered Voltron.

It’s why he had started counting the fighters he shot down, why he had goaded Kuron into their little match. He didn’t want to think about how his friends were hurting. He couldn’t’ve imagined how Allura and Coran felt before, every time they pushed for more and more training, but watching them get hurt, and the terror that came along with it… Lance was beginning to understand.

It was the only way they could help Voltron. All they could do was push them all harder and harder, so that they didn’t have to worry. Now, with Allura piloting Blue, it was Lance’s turn to worry.

At the thought of Blue Lance’s heart clenched, and he turned away from the scene before him. He focused on defending the castle as best as he and Kuron could, but with Voltron preoccupied, and the fleets knocking at their door, they wouldn’t last long.

“We have to get out of here!” Pidge called out over the coms, her face taking over part of the large screen. “We can’t defeat them, not with the fleets attacking the castle.”

Lance silently agreed. He could take out the fighters, but not the actual source of destruction: main cruisers.

He didn’t speak up though. He had gotten on better terms with Keith and Red, and he had Coran and Kuron behind his back, but… Allura still was annoyed with him. She was trying to understand, but she couldn’t. It made for a rough time together. Hunk was his best friend, but he didn’t dare tell him what had happened. He was ashamed of himself, for letting himself be used. It put a strain on their conversations, as both knew there was something left unsaid. Pidge was a bit easier, just get her talking about robotics and the like and it was like old times, but there were still curious glances, questioning looks, that Lance ignored.

Then there was Shiro. He was avoiding Shiro like the plague. He couldn’t be in the same room with him. He had tried, but it just sent him down a dark spiral of thoughts that he  _ knew  _ were unhealthy.

So he didn’t speak up. He didn’t voice his agreement in attempt to drive Pidge’s point home. Instead he grit his teeth, focusing on lessening the fleet around him.

He was useless without Blue.

The scarred bond between them ached at the thought. He was barely anything with Blue, and he was barely anything without them. It rubbed salt into the wound. He had been used, discarded, and was left to gather up his pieces, but still…

He missed them, missed their bond, their banter, the love he had  _ thought  _ was there. He was mad at Blue, horribly so, but at the same time all he wanted was to go back to when they had been happy, even if it had been a lie.

Allura’s voice cut into his thoughts, “We used up the last bit of energy reserved in the teleduv already. We cannot wormhole unless I am present, but we need Voltron to protect the castle as I do so.”

The implication of those words set heavy upon Lance’s skin.

 

Me: Lance is forcing the bond between him and blue to be as small as possible

Friend I Was Shooting Ideas Back And Forth With: and blue tries to talk to lance and all lance growls is "i dont want to fucking see you"

Me: Yeeees

Friend I Was Shooting Ideas Back And Forth With: through their shared bond when they form voltron everybody can feel lance's anguish and anger and pain

Me: It throws them all for a loop, because, yeah, Shiro and Keith knew what happened, but they hadn't /felt/ it

Friend I Was Shooting Ideas Back And Forth With: like, they were relieved at first because of old time's sake, but now that lance is fighting with them they all truly realize how much everything's changed

Friend I Was Shooting Ideas Back And Forth With: lance is so focused on the fight and not letting blue inside his head that he doesn't joke, he barely talks


	4. Breaking Down; Building Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hopeful ending that would've been so if I finished this one too

Me: Omgs what if after the battle Shiro finds Lance, and Lance just breaks down

Because /gods/ even tho he's angry, even tho he's hurt he still misses the bond he had with blue. Even tho he hated being inside that cockpit he wants it so badly, he wants to go back so badly, but he can't, he can't let himself be that open to Blue, not after he was hurt before. He can't, he can't.

Writing Friend I Was Tossing Ideas Back And Forth With: Lance clinging onto Shiro and he's shaking and sobbing but he's /finally/ talking, saying how much he's hurting, what he truly feels and thinks and how much he missed Shiro, how much he needed him, but also how he doesn't blame him because he knows it was never Shiro's fault, it was his own fault for letting himself be used like that, for thinking he could be loved and respected when obviously he wasn't made for that

and Shiro's heart is breaking as he hugs Lance close to his chest and runs his fingers through his hair and lets him talk and talk until Lance is sobbing and gasping for air, simply holding Shiro tight

Me: Shiro wants to tell him that it's not true, he wants to deny what Lance said, deny it to hell and back, but he knows that those words, that denial, will only hurt Lance right now. It will only make Lance curl into himself more, will break the trust that he has finally started to give back to Shiro.

But gods Shiro wishes he could deny it, wishes there was some easy way to prove to him that he was loved and cared for, but it will take time and effort, so much time and effort

And its that time and effort that will begin to show Lance that he's loved, even if he was used, even if he never accepts Blue again, never forgives Blue and Black.

Shiro will help him as much as he can, to show him that even tho he /was/ used that the fact doesn't mean he is unworthy of love

Writing Friend I Was Tossing Ideas Back And Forth With: And Shiro just holds Lance until Lance pulls away, wiping his eyes furiously and smiling in shame because he didn't want to break down like that, and Shiro just kisses Lance's forehead and says "i'm here for you" and Lance nods and sobs again

then time passes until eventually Lance actively seeks out being close to Shiro again, and they hug, hold hands, cuddle, taking everything one step at a time and being super slow, since the last time they were together they rushed into things and look how that blew up


	5. An Understanding Compromise - Outline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The actual end

Allura hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath until her lungs began to scream for air. She turned, sagging against the wall and slowly sliding down. She had not expected that.

After the battle she had wanted to check on Lance. She knew, despite her pushing, that he did not want to pilot Blue again, but it was their only option. She had seen how tense she was when they had switched, seen it in his jawline as he passed her, not meeting her eyes. She had heard it in the quiet “I don’t want to see you” that he had mumbled inside of Blue when he sat down, talking to the lion he was about to pilot for the first time in ages. She saw his anger reflected in the surprise of the other paladins as they formed Voltron, excitement, yes, but surprise as well.

She had rushed down to the bay as soon as she could, some part of her deathly afraid for Lance.

Shiro had beat her to it.

She was frozen in her spot, hidden behind a corner, at the first sob that wrenched itself from Lance’s body. She was frozen for the many that followed.

She had wanted to understand. She had wanted to know. She had pushed and prodded, kicked and screamed. She finally got her answer. She finally knew. She finally understood.

She wish she had left it well enough alone.

She noticed movement to her left and looked over to see Keith coming closer. He didn’t spare her anything but a glance before he peaked around the corner. He nodded, before moving away and giving her a sad, understanding look.

“We should leave them. They need this,” he whispered, holding out his hand to help her up.

She nodded, taking the hand and wiping a tear from her eyes.

“Did you- did you know.”

Keith continued to stare ahead as they walked, “Shiro’s told me bits and pieces, as has Lance and Red. Not the full story though, and I don’t expect you to tell me. They were close, things happened with Blue, it’s in the past. All we can do is try and help them both recover.”

Allura regarded him and his words. His time as Black Paladin had done him good, or maybe it was the fact that they had all grown closer, and he had been given practice in voicing his thoughts.

What Keith said was true though: Regrets were in the past, she had to move forward now. She had to find some way to fix her mistakes.

~*~

“Lance it has… occurred to me that I have been going about this…  _ situation  _ the very wrong way. I- Keith informed me of the state of the bond when you all formed Voltron, and I’m not pleased.”

Lance tensed, “Princess-”

“Lance, please, let me finish. It is not you that I am displeased with; it is myself. I kept pushing for you to take over Blue again, and I did not heed your words. I thought I was doing it for the sake of Voltron, you being Blue’s original paladin, but I realize now that I was just scared, and I forced that fear on you.”

Allura took a deep breath.

“I am sorry.”

Lance looked taken aback, and gave her a weary once over.

“I had not meant to hurt you, but I have… That being said: I would like it if you continued to fly Blue,  _ but, _ ” she looked up at Lance, eyes locked onto his own as she pushed forward, “I do not want you to do it alone, and you will not have to fly them more than you’d find comfortable. I know this is not your ideal, I know this makes my apology tainted, but we are still fighting a war, and I will not be able to fly Blue all the time, as the last battle showed. I will not leave you alone in Blue though. I am more than willing to fly by your side, and even share duties still. You will not be alone in this, if you choose to take up the position again.”

Lance’s face was unreadable, and Allura feared that she had messed up again. After what she heard… she- she never wanted to force Lance back into that position, but… they were fighting a war, and today proved that the setup they had was not ideal.

“I don’t have much of a choice do I?”

Allura frowned, “It is up to you, I do not wish to force you-”

“No, it’s not- It’s not you. It’s not even about me. I have to fly Blue. I have to for the universe.”

Allura took a deep breath. What he said was true. Even with her giving him the choice, there was no actual choosing.

“I cannot disagree, but remember whatever happened to you, your team is still here. Coran, Kuron, Keith, Red, Hunk, Pidge, me, and Shiro, we’re all here for you. It is why I offer to join you in the cockpit,” She smiled, “We can show the other’s what it’s really like to pilot a lion.”

Lance let out a surprised laugh, “Princess, considering what you’re flying was like when you first tried out, are you sure about that?”

“Might I remind you of your first flight with Red?”

Lance chuckled, “Yeah, yeah, fair point.”

She placed a hand on his shoulder, “I know this is not what you wanted, but please,  _ please,  _ remember we are here for you, even if we cannot understand.”

Lance gave her a watery smile. “Thanks, Allura.”

It was by no means the ideal, but it was a start. It was a compromise.

A means to recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know many of you were sticking around waiting for this to update, so I'm sorry I never got around to it. The motivation for this story has been gone for awhile. I hope these half written bits and outlines will even begin to make up for that.
> 
> Thank you all for being super understanding.

**Author's Note:**

> We're finally at the series namesake ajghajksgs I'm so excited
> 
> So Lance is beginning to open up a little more! Yay! I wonder what Kuron and Shiro are gonna talk about though?  
> Who knows -I do, I know, I'm writing it so I have to know xD-
> 
> The four chapters is just a guess, I might include another part to it, but still debating. We'll see.
> 
> Tumblr: MizuLeKitten


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